In General

It has probably been more than two months since I wrote. I would like to apologize for that, the past two months I have lived my life in between exams and projects. However that is not an excuse, I just never got myself down to write.

I realised this blog means a lot to me, I want to truly mean what I write it is one of the accountability functions of my life. I finally closed school and I am ready for the Christmas holiday where everyone gets leave and everything is on a discount sale. Looking forward to spending this time with family; in retrospect this year I have dwelt more on school and figuring out my career line. The semester that just finished has been the best one yet since I joined. I met so many new and amazing people, perhaps that saying I think by Will Smith is true whereby you are asked to do your best and everything else will fall in place. However I look at it more as obedience to God that comes with many blessings. I have met very inspirational lecturers , very talented and intellectual human beings and also very deep and wise people. It has been so amazing, being surrounded by those people every day has been such a blessing.

This last year if there is something I learnt it is to be alone. Being alone turned out to be such a gift, At the beginning of the year I lost my friends and I had to be on my own until God allowed for new ones. It was extremely painful and I probably looked depressed but gradually I learnt so much about my true character. It was a bitter sweet journey, It came to my attention that I depended heavily 

on them for identity and i felt lost when they were gone but eventually I began to gather my strengths and my grades, my family relationships and my self image improved tremendously. What I value above all else however was the personal relationship I got with Christ, it was so strong and so tangible I felt like I walked side by side with Him, in fact many times I mummer 'thanks God' you would think I am demented because sometimes I say it so loudly looking over my shoulder. I also came to love books this year, I still do not read as much as I used to when I was younger but I am getting there.  

With all the blessings that came this semester I must say I did get a little bit lost in them. I got carried away and centered myself in the busyness. I got so exhausted at one point and realised how I had made my life so busy and pushed away from Christ, I am so grateful to have become aware of this. I also observed that we can get on a high horse when everything is working out for us yet I have never desired a trait more than that of humility. So many lessons so much to write but I know not many read long posts so I will leave it from here. Catch you on my next post which will be more specific.

Love always,
          Hilda

PS

Joshua 1.8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips;meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

A thought or two, maybe more.

I had something to write about but because I did not do it I can not remember what it is anymore. So I will just think as I write. I read a verse this morning that got me thinking, the verse is Hebrews 10.36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. I felt like I had to endure a lot of things sometime back for about three years. I thought it was difficult and I felt like a failure who had wasted time and resources. However the verse is true that says ALL things work together for the good of those that love the Lord. God is good, He truly is. I wake up some days feeling such a great sense of joy in my heart and I look up and say, "You are so nice". Walking through a desert of pain and stress for so long was horrible. But God used this to prepare the way for me to what He is creating me to be and although people are coy about celebrating good things in their beginning, I am not, for I live by faith and therefore every day I celebrate what I have and what the future holds.

I remember when I was younger I was such a practical believer then when I started hanging out with older people they used to say something like "the bible says this.. but the reality is this.." those words destroyed me especially to the point of wavering. I could not belive the nonsense. Thank God He brought me back to the place where I know what the Bible says and that truly is the reality. I read the book of Daniel and could not believe it. Daniel was a man who believed with His whole heart, mind and soul. He was on God's side, He was constantly in touch with God and He cared about nothing else but God and when you only care about God it means you care about people, society, nature and all the things that God cares about. Now even the King did not intimidate Daniel, not lions, not soldiers not the devil, nothing! For He knew the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, The Mightiest of the Mighty was with Him and therefore Daniel lacked nothing!

My mother's laughter is distracting me, my dad just got home and they last saw each other early in the morning, haha! she sounds like a young lady happy to see her prince charming. I digress but truly I thank God for their beautiful marriage.

So again I just remembered this last week, I went for a session in school and the speaker said to live a Holy life is to live passionately, to live wholly and fully, because the word holy comes from the word whole in Hebrew or Greek can't remember. He went on to say that perhaps the reason God called David a man after His own heart is because David was so passionate. Even his mistakes were passionate and so were His moments of repentance. When you meet a passionate person you instantly are impressed, for example my lecturer who taught me philosophy is one of the most passionate men I have ever met and no He does not shout, he just speaks and his words are of so much depth. This is the most haphazard post I have written so far and the fastest one as well , the keyboard is about to smoke up.


Well that is because I am on some serious passion, passion fruit juice, ha! joke. I honestly feel passionate and I want you to be passionate not just in some days but in all days and the only way that is possible is when you become drunk in the Holy Spirit. God is always passionate, when you have an experience with Him it is passionate, when you look at His creation it is passionate, when you read scripture it is passionate. Therefore with God you only thrive and like He says, "with Christ ALL things are possible". I am also on the journey to always be passionate!

With Christ you can be anything . The Bible says that Jesus grew in stature, in favour of man and in favour of God, Which means he grew physically, socially and spiritually. With Christ you can be all things, He wants you to shine and thrive for His glory, look at each one of the stories in the Bible, sometimes when you read they seem as though they are fiction.  While the truth is, guys like Elijah and Moses and Rebecca and Esther were people who were just like us, they just really and truly believed in God, they poured out themselves to God. Be passionate for God, lean not on your own understanding, praise Him, thank Him, be sincere with Him when you are mad or happy or depressed or not satisfied, whatever state you are in. He is your Father! Let Jesus take the wheel and what great things you will see, Praise Jesus!! Amen!

Love always, Hilda.

Colossians 3.23 And whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord and not for man.

1 Corinthians 10.31 So, whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 

Philippians



 4.13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But Who Am I?

"Just go out there and be yourself." "So many fake people, be real."
These are examples of statements we hear more often than not, but there is a lot of detail to what they mean. Who is yourself? How can you go out there and be yourself when you do not know who you are in the first place, how can you call others fake and assume you are real when you do not know what real is?
Why do we even need to know ourselves? Can you truly know who you are? What defines who you are?

With looking at who you are we are focusing on identity of self. Are you what you do, an author, an Oscar award winner, a president, a cool kid, a curvy woman? Are you what others think you are? a tall person, a bubbly person, a sad person, an ugly person, a boring person? What really are you?

I can tell you what you are not, you are not your body form because if you are you should then look the same way you did on your birth day. You are not your personality because that changes as well, you were probably less confident in your teenage years but now that has changed. You are not your achievements because that can easily change or be taken away, achievements are simply expressions of the potential in you. You are not your beauty because that can be enhanced or deducted. One thing I come to learn is that who we are must endure through all changes, who we are should not change, who we are is a constant. How then can we find that and yet everyday we change, we grow, we learn. We already are who we are, the things that change are elements of that. How do we measure change in the first place, do you say you have changed because your perspective has changed,is it cause you have different goals , is it because you have lost or gained weight? How you measure change is different from time to time and from person to person.

God says I am. He describes Himself as unchanging, immortal, everlasting. This can only mean that only He knows who He is and we can never come to the full knowledge of who we are leave alone who He is when we are in this place, this world, this body because God is super natural and we are simply natural, we can not then completely fathom the super natural but only have a grip of it through the Holy Spirit, ( Ephesians 3..18) That is also why the Bible says if you see God you die Exodus 33.20. However we came into light about much more once Christ died and rose again, though we do not see or fully understand God , we have direct access to Him through prayer and scripture, this bridge is because of the blood of Jesus. Is it not crazy that Jesus Christ changed so many things! I would be so lost if He never came. I thank God for He reconciled and brought light to all things. Back to the topic. We may not know who we are and yet God knows us, He knows to detail who you are in the Physical , the Emotional, the Spirit and Soul,  and every other aspect(Psalms 119) . God can not change but we change, we change daily, whether positively or negatively, we change by getting older, by eating more, by seeing new things, by meeting new people, by dying by living to see another day, this then means we as ourselves can not define who we are. 


To find who we are we must go to Him who knows who He is to tell us who we are. What then does God say that we are and who will we become? The most straight forward scripture that says who we are is  found in Psalms139.14 " I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." God made you and for Him to say you are wonderfully and fearfully made is out o

f this world, if you truly internalize those words you will never think less of yourself, you will never compare yourself and everyday, be it a bad hair day or a pimply face day you will look in the mirror and absorb in the master piece that you are. Further, is the fact that you were made by God and not just called into being, meaning that you are more valuable than things which God made by calling into being, you are more valuable than Queen Elizabeth's diamonds, valuable than the white house. You are priceless, your value can not be measured by money, 1 Corinthians 6.20,  explains  how you were bought by the blood of Jesus, the magnitude of this scripture is beyond amazing, the creator of the universe, shed His blood for you as ransom from shackles of death! You have become a child of God once you accept and live by His commands. You can not define yourself, you can not even comprehend who you are because it is beyond you and therefore you can only look to Christ daily in His word and through prayer to remind you and give you a better understanding of who you are. Because when you do that, you emancipate yourself from mental slavery, from untrue words by others, from your own lies Just as Galatians 5.1 says For freedom, Christ has set us free.Stand firm, then,and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery. You become a person firmly footed, in peace, in patience, in love, in confidence, in all things that are good. You become real. You only go from strength to strength when He tells you who you are each moment. Once you know this , His will for you becomes clear, His revealed will for you in Scripture and His sacred and personal will for you. His will creates your purpose and purpose is in each moment, in every day achievements, it is not an ultimate situation you land upon one day,for only this moment is real, you have no guarantee of tomorrow,  purpose is the awareness of the gift of life and ability to do something out of that awareness.

Who you are also makes you realize who others are, and at that, unconditional love for others becomes something that is natural to you. Romans 15.7 Receive one another just as also Christ received you, to God's glory.

Romans 8.17 Now if we are children , then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. ( Seriously mind blown by that scripture!! WHAT! CO-HEIRS WITH CHRIST!!)

2 Corinthians 2.14 But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ's triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume.

2 Corinthians 5.7 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Exodus 3.14 God said to Moses, " I AM WHO I AM..."

Love always Hilda.

Brace Yourself for This is War

This past Friday I came home, very pleased about how my week had been. As I got into the house. I noticed my very hyper dog sitting and wagging his tail happy to see me. He Was SITTING! Max never sits, he has torn all my stockings and many of my dresses because of the way he jumps at me when he sees me every weekend when I come from school. He managed to stand and came to greet me and then I noticed his hind legs, all blood-clotted and stitched up. If you love your pets, you know how horrific it is to see your animal that way. I called mom immediately and she explained how a car hit Max and almost killed him on that Monday evening. Further, I went on to see if my pregnant dog Daisy was doing fine and I was told she had lost her  four puppies that Thursday, they were still born. I thought of what a rough week it had been for my dogs. I was told Max did not break even one bone and yet when they took him from the scene of the accident, they were certain that his legs were gone. The vet came and operated on Max till about midnight and in fact he is now walking, that dog is a fighter.

MAX

Now I am saying that to say this. I may sound insanely religious but the truth is, what happened to Max was a scheme of the enemy but the surpassing grace of God saved his every ligament and Max is alive. This past week has been especially good in the spiritual growth of each member of my family , the devil must have been so mad and wanted to discourage us by taking Max away but God in His mercy and protection saved our dog. The driver that hit Max had been over speeding and he stopped in shock then drove away as I was told. When God says in the Bible that what we fight against is not flesh and blood but spiritual he means it. Many people even Christians do not like to believe it, but through out the Bible we have seen that the sins of the world have been caused by the devil through our flesh. That is why God says die daily to flesh and live by The Spirit. Everything you do is influenced by either good or evil and the one that you feed is the one that wins. If you indulge your flesh, your flesh will overcome and you will be useful to the kingdom of darkness and if you indulge the spirit of God , God will remain in you and you will overcome all even the devil.

Ephesians 6 talks about the armour of God , get your Bible and read it. Live by the spirit and do not gratify the flesh. The flesh will only lead you to hell. The time is coming when the times will be so difficult for Christians in this life that many will give up their salvation. Be ready by setting a firm relationship with God and reading and praying without ceasing for the enemy the devil lacks around looking for someone to devour. Let God rule and intervene every aspect of your life. The prince of this planet is the devil, therefore he is gaining a lot of people on his side, he wraps Ugly in pretty little boxes by masquerading himself as an angel of light. Be aware of this, ask God to give you His persepective which is truth, may your eyes be opened. It will be easier not to get mad at people who offend you but instead you will pray for them for the Spirit of truth to be revealed in their hearts because we know that when people oppose you and you are a child of God, it is really the devil trying to discourage you. Be ready to pray for people instead of being disgusted by them, let the love of God overflow your heart.

Paul describes us as soldiers who should not get involved with civilian matters (2 Timothy 2.4 ). He did not use the word solider poetically, but because it is what we really are, we are hear on earth as people on a mission, fighting the good fight, running the good race. Taking orders from the King of Kings. Bringing hope to others through the hope of Christ in us. Therefore stop wasting time in civilian issues but instead fight the good fight and may you be found ready and mature on the day of the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Love always, Hilda.

Verses of this post

2 Timothy 2.3-4 Share in suffering as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No soldier get entaganled with civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

Daisy and friends

Romans 8.37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Galatians 5.16 So I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Ephesians 6.12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

2 Corinthians 11.14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades himself as an angel of light.

Luke 9.23 And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me".

Those Quiet Little Days

Hi guys, it has been a little while since my last post. A little past three weeks.

One reason is, I just opened school and was settling in, another is I felt my last post was driven by experience and emotion instead of the Holy Spirit, I never want that to happen again.

Every Thursday is a free day for me in Uni, I have no classes on that day, I pretty much laze around the hostel, take a lot of tea and write in my diary, I meditate a lot and read the word of God. These Thursdays are always really amazing , sometimes in a happy way and sometimes in a sad way. Now this past Thursday was heavy, I got text messages from three different friends asking if I am doing ok and it only made it worse because I figured I was truly low in spirit and the Holy Spirit must have communicated. It was so bad that I was moody, I am rarely moody.

In my meditations I learnt a lot about myself, this life and God. Since I started this walk, my life has changed in a big way. I had a broken spirit without hope, my bones were drying up but now it is a broken spirit filled with hope in God's comfort.( For the creation was subject to frustration, not by its own choice but by the will of the one who subject it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God) On Thursday I sat in my bed taking my black tea and feeling bad about the things I had not achieved, the failures of my past and the separations of my present . It was difficult. The devil does steal, kill and destroy and that day he was set especially because I had dedicated the day for prayer. I am especially hard on myself when I set deadlines and do not meet them. In between the broken spirit and reading scripture, He shined. I can not tell you how much Jesus cares for you but my eyes well up with tears every time I think about it. Jesus is love, He is beautiful, gentle, He is warmth. Jesus is not of this world. Having an experience with Him is something that is truthful, it is something that cuts through your flesh, your bone, your soul and your spirit. He is The Great Love, He is comfort, He is the best of friends. Jesus Christ is light. If  your dreams have died, if your charisma has faded, if you are hopeless, if you have gotten ugly, if you are sick, if you held onto anything and there's never getting it back, you still have Jesus. It is ok, it will always be ok as long as you are a friend of God. If you have Jesus, you are blessed, you are fine, you are thriving. You may not think so because society dictates to be so many ways but if you have Jesus you have everything you will ever need.

The Lord, He draws all things to Himself, He has drawn Himself to you, hold onto Him, fill your mind, fill your heart, fill your stomach with Jesus. Let your lips speak unapologetically about Jesus. Never water down your love for Jesus. It is ok to be crazy about Him and for the world to know that you are. It is ok to be strange, conservative, hated, loved, cherished because you love Jesus. 

I want that glow, the Jesus glow. 

You know how we hear that Jesus loves us and He cares about us? Has anyone then ever told you that the devil, Satan, hates you, lies to you, wants you to gain the world and lose your soul, wants you to have a half experience of the truth, wants you to burn in hell for eternity? Now that I have, why do you still play on his side saying you're not yet ready to fully dedicate your life to Christ? Come as you are to Christ, with all your sin and weaknesses, come as you are, He is going to change you, just if you remain in Him. Be a friend of God and everything that is wrong is alright when you are a child of God.

Love always Hilda.

2 Corinthians 5.14 For Christ's love compels us, since we have reached this conclusion: If One died for all, then all died. 

Romans 5.8 But God shows His love for us that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.

Isaiah 55.1 "Come,everyone who thirsts, come to the waters, and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

1 John3.1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Wheat and Chaff

Luke 3.17  Whose fan is in his hand, thoroughly to cleanse his threshing-floor, and to gather the wheat into his garner; but the chaff he will burn up with unquenchable fire.

What does that verse mean? It's pretty simple, those that gather wheat from the fields they have to separate the wheat and the unwanted materials (chaff) which is then burned or disposed.  Now here we see that Jesus has the fan, he is throwing up the wheat and chaff as a process of cleansing and separating the good  and the dirt. It is an analogy to show that he will separate that which is His and that which is not. He will burn the dirt with unquenchable fire, this is fire that does not stop even if you pour water or spray CO2 on it. 
 




In the recent past I have noticed an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Many people who were lost have been found, myself included. People have really changed. My whatsapp conversations have changed and the conversations are mostly about Scripture. The devil who had covered the eyes of people with darkness has been defeated, the Holy Spirit has convicted the hearts of the people to change. Almost every single person I am in constant chat with talks to me about Scripture, Jesus and change. It is an amazing trend, how can you be left behind. It is like all over sudden we can see again, we were blind but our eyes have been healed. Can I get an Amen. The scripture is true Joel 2.28-29 "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.  Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. 

It is possible that Christ's return is in this generation. Let us not waste any more time but allow ourselves to be used by God. To know God through faith.

A note to those that defame the people who were once lost. It has happened to a lot of Christians myself included, that people will mock my walk with God because of past inconsistencies, stop, do not let the devil use you to destroy the work of the Lord in yourself and to the unbelievers.  A true believers is always discerning of false rumours and lies. The scripture tells you, rumour monger ; "Don't criticize and speak evil about each other, dear brothers. If you do, you will be fighting against God's law of loving one another, declaring it is wrong. But your job is not to decide whether this law is right or wrong, but to obey it. Only he who made the law can rightly judge among us. He alone decides to save us or destroy. So what right do you have to judge or criticize others?" James 4:11-12

Do not act impetuously but instead be filled with the Spirit, let Him control what you say."The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil. "And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. "For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned." Matthew 12.35-37


I encourage you especially new believers to keep fighting the good fight and take hold of the eternal life to which you were called!! 
 God bless you.

Love always, Hilda.

On school and life

Last semester I was finishing up with an issue or two and I was going for my final counseling sessions which interfered with my schedule and I thought I should drop one of my classes in the process but eventually changed my mind and it turned out to be the best class this semester. So because of missing a few of the classes I was to be disqualified for the class till next semester but the lecturer told me to prove to him I had learnt adequately what I needed to learn and he would let me continue. I did not know how to prove to him, I asked him to give me a test a notch difficult than the mid semester exams but he declined. So I wrote him the following.

Dear Mr K****,

Writing this was and is a big challenge and revelation for me. I am more than glad you challenged me to give you evidence that I have learnt what needs to be learnt. Having grown up a Christian most my life, I know the basics of the Bible but it was not until recently that I got completely tested and unfortunately failed in so many of the tests. In a sense, I felt I had been losing everything and God stopped being much of a reality to me. This doubtful thought threw me into a pit of depression and I could barely see where I was going. I then started my Thursday counselling sessions, which gave me a grasp, and a first step to redemption ever since they began. These Thursday sessions cost me a few of my philosophy classes.

I remember attending a few of the first classes in Philosophy and thinking that the debates we had were going to shake my faith and have me questioning God on a lot of things and sure they did. I was quiet at the beginning as I listened to my class mates relay their perspectives on issues that arose. The firm Christians in class got me very encouraged and although from what they said, it was vivid they did not understand it all. However they had a sure faith about them and the verse, 1 Corinthians 13.12 rang in my mind a lot of times, For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

As days went by I was also working on my relationship with God I became more confident through each class and started putting in a word, in some classes I just had a bad attitude towards the loose answers students gave but I came to appreciate the different opinions of all people. Philosophy then became my favourite class this semester.

We then came across a man by the name Socrates a sophist. He had the biggest impact on me out of all we had learnt in that class. Socrates had a real depth about him, when the priestess prophesied that he is the wisest of all and he then came to believe this by knowing that his wisdom meant nothing. I found his response to be so unexpected and there could not be a better response than that. I then got interested in this great philosopher Socrates. I was a little disappointed to know that he lived before the coming of Christ and he is not found to have any regard for the Old Testament or perhaps he was not exposed. Although slightly disappointed I came to realize that Socrates lived in search and pursuit of something and openly confessed that he did not know, I then felt the verse is true that says, “ If you seek me you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart”.  Additionally, his encounter with the priestess could probably mean God was involved in His life.

Philosophy also challenged me and should challenge many Christians to be sure of their faith to know all about it so that if defied they may have answers. Just as the verse in 1 Peter 3.15 says, “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect“. It blows my mind how the Bible contains it all, it prepares us for everything, it challenges us, it predicts all things. The greatest philosopher the wisest philosopher is indeed the written word of God. Philosophy then helps us to challenge our faith, which is in fact a good thing. This is because the more you challenge the more you understand it and the more you are familiar with it. The further you examine it the further you grow. Hence, no matter what comes my way I will certainly be sure of myself and confident in my faith.

As we continued to read more on philosophy one particular trend was more manifest than all others; nobody not even one philosopher had answers to everything , they run on hypothetical theories or whatever they discovered only led them in pursuit of more questions. How is it then that we can put our trust in what we have experienced, in what we have seen in ourselves? A certain debate in class arose on naturalism vs existentialism which brought about the aspect of faith vs reason and who then was braver and had a better approach to life, he who uses faith or he that uses reason. The debate first began by the students supporting the notion of reason as the better approach but views changed after you posed challenges. The fact that no one has guarantee of what is true, what is safe, what is of benefit came to amount to, faith is the better approach to life. Perhaps that is only my opinion but this to me was what carried the day. I came from that class feeling pleased about faith. I then remembered that man, Abraham. It must have taken him so much courage to please God by almost sacrificing His son who he had waited for, for so long. Because of His faith and obedience, Abraham is now a legend and the Father of all nations.

I understand that if these thoughts written on this paper were to be critiqued by philosophers I would have many questions to answer and perhaps they would call me a religious fanatic and the like. However, this is a start and if I was to be challenged, I, then would be ready for my next assignment. In six words I sum up all I have learnt so far in the philosophy class, “There is an all knowing God”.

In conclusion, if I ever came across a very confusing and persuading doctrine in philosophy I will remember the words of Colossians 2.8, See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.

Yours sincerely,

            Hilda Kaguma 

I did the exam which I know will turn out well.

The lecturer and I are now friends and God-willing he will become my mentor. 

The God of Abraham is the God of Hilda and of all her classes.

Disheartened

Today afternoon was one of the really good ones this year. Sharing and spending time with friends who are dear to me. However as the little meeting ended a certain topic arose. The topic on certain people being over spiritual and how such people can be uncomfortable to be with. I asked what that meant, to be over spiritual and if such a term really had meaning. To be to Godly? To involve God in all things and all conversations to sneeze God, to breathe God? Inquiring further i got a description, "I would not want to be around people who are always saying I am good in the Lord and stuff like that", but why? At the time I got confused and tried to agree with the conversation but as I got home I thought about it and it crushed me. 

Christianity has been painted a certain way lately; uncool, boring, weird, extreme, radical etc. These are the kind of terms we should be proud of. The bible says we are aliens of the world, we do not belong to it and we should not love the things of the world although we are in it. What is really horrible is that fellow Christians are not proud to be "very spiritual", it does not always have to be about God , is what people think and believe. Why is this! Do you know it is always about you when it comes to God. God is seated in Heaven doing all He can to show His love grace and mercy the word of God even says in Ephesians 1.4  "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to son-ship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves". God chose us before He even created us, He thought about us before we came into being so why should we set Him aside even for a minute, why should we forget about Him, why should we lay Him aside for particular times, why? Why should He seat there and think about us but we forget about Him for a second. He is our hope our love, our fiber, the giver of life, the creator of all things. Colossians says that everything was made for Him, through Him and by Him. He is in all, The book also says that Christ is all. I am not calling us to be crazy fanatics no! Do not try to be anything just let Christ control you. Let yourself die and let Him live in you, you must decrease and He must increase, John 3.30. Do not forget God , do not, He is the only reason you can do anything , Acts 17.28 for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.’

Are we also forgetting God's command to love God with all our mind, heart and soul. That is the whole element of our being. We are called to love God not just to love Him but to cherish Him. Read the book of Psalms, it was written by those who had fallen in-love with Jesus, we are to love God and write Psalms to Him because of how much we love Him. God says in Joshua 1.8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. Let us fall in-love with Jesus. He delights in you, He is jealous for you, He died for you, He is your only Saviour, do not for one minute forget about Him. He is all, He is in all. Love God with every breath you take, desire Him like a deer that pants for water. Grow madly in-love with Him, He is madly in-love with you. God has the whole universe to think about, but He thinks about you, He knows about you, you only have your life to live and you dare forget Him. Do not, let Him overflow your heart. 

We love because He first loved us.

Love always, Hilda.

PS

Proverbs 3.5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Romans 1.28-31 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 

A lot..

Whoever said the journey is easy lied, it is extremely difficult. I think mainly because we are in this body that came short of the glory of God a long long time ago. 1 Peter 4. 18 says it well, And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"




The struggle with sin is not just for baby Christians it is also for the mature ones. In fact the more you grow in Christ the more you see how terrible you really are, the more you realize you need Christ and only He can make you Holy, no wonder God said only He is good. The Bible says that we should keep awake for the adversary the devil is always on the look out for someone to devour. The Bible also says that we should walk by the Spirit.

Last week was a bit strange for me. I made a serious back track. Fell back to things I had thought I had over come. What a troubled soul I became after. I figured we live and we learn, but how many times are we living and learning. God is one of grace and forgiveness but sin hinders our growth in Him, hinders the beautiful intimacy with God that we are called for. I am starting to become more and more aware of the sin in my life that I would probably not have noticed maybe 6 months ago.

It is a bitter sweet place to be. I now realize I am in for a lot of loss. Everything is starting to change now, even my dreams and aspirations. Through all this I put my trust in God for He knows best. He has what is best, I mean He is God. I am not talking about materialism but rather my soul, the person I am, He is doing wonders and works that I know I am have no reality of as of now.

Consistency and readiness. Am I really ready to lose everything for Christ? I have pondered on this and my answer is yes. So help me God. I know it will be hard but I have my Bible and God to guide me. I want to live and grow and glorify Him all the days of my life. He is all there is and anything outside Him is useless. To love God to my last breath to my very last breath.

Bring it on! But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. Philippians 3.7
 Love always Hilda.

PS Mark 8.36 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
    Mark 12.30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'
     Ecc 11.9 You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.
   

Crashed To Dust

I have said time and time again that it has been a tough few last years. It has but it has also been really really great. Many nights I cried, many days my head was held down. I am still recovering and knowing how to hold it up again. Except I can't do it on my own. I can do nothing without Him.

I was an excellent girl, no doubt I really was. I felt I lived such a perfect life. I let go of His hand one day and things came tumbling down, it was bad decision after bad decision. Some things also just happened to me and I wondered why, well it is really because I walked that road and therefore collided with those encounters.

God took all my camouflage away, my excellent academic camouflage, my bubbly personality camouflage, I think even my hair broke cause of Him haha. You know in this day and age it is so easy to put on a face so that you feel and show to be alright yet deeply you are empty.  However for me their was nothing to spare I lost the shine.

I lived in the past for so long, I wondered how I was once that girl. The reason I write this today is because, I am beyond grateful for the experience. Walking through that desert I learnt only to rely on Him. He taught me dependence yes dependence, dependence on Him. I could not have a nice day if I did not look up to Him. I could not smile if He did not shine on me. He became and has become my life, my breathe, my existence, my best friend, my pain, my sorrow, my joy, my pout, my sunlight, my rainy day and my love. He is truly my all.

I now do not have to present myself for the appraisal of man. I now feel no hurt when insulted. I now have nothing to prove to myself or to anyone. All I care about is God. I have become sensitive towards people's needs, I have gotten better with service, I have increased in esteem, I have become a slave to God and a liberated soul from the world. 

It is still a journey that I am walking. I have become more aware of worldliness and more drawn to holiness. I have learnt to trust and be filled and satisfied in Him. I have learnt that I need to decrease and He needs to increase. God is my life, there's never taking that away from me. He is the only constant, the only truth, the only home that I know and I will ever know.

Love always, Hilda.

Forgiveness

As my holiday comes to an end one thing that I know I have learnt is forgiveness. I let people I know that have hurt me that they are forgiven and they let me know that I am forgiven by them. More than this though is the forgiveness of God that I came to be in reality with.

Psalms 32 has just done it for me and I am more than grateful for the Scriptures! Thank you God that we can read about life in the Bible; life in you.

If you have known me for the last 3 years you probably think I am the most confused person. I was confused, I would say this one minute then the next minute I do the exact opposite. It is not an easy place to be, confusion is horrible. It is up to this holiday that I came to know what caused the state of my confusion. The reason has always been the feeling of guilt towards God. I sinned against Him and did it over and over then came back asking for forgiveness, I did not even take myself seriously at some point. I was so inconsistent in my walk with God, it was unbelievable.

Having come to full repentance I now feel steady and very encouraged. I will just quote bits and pieces of the Psalm so that you as well may be encouraged and realise that God forgives, He forgives more than 70 times 7 times. He is a great God, you just got to know HIM!

Psalms 32.1 

      Blessed is the one

    whose transgressions are forgiven,

    whose sins are covered.

2 Blessed is the one

    whose sin the Lord does not count against them

    and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,

    my bones wasted away

    through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night

    your hand was heavy on me;

my strength was sapped

    as in the heat of summer.[b]

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you

    and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess

    my transgressions to the Lord.”

And you forgave

    the guilt of my sin.

So exactly like the Psalmist my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long, I was depressed I have lost a lot of weight since the days I lived right, I was not ok. Life was not clear and I was empty inside I did not know what or where I was going with this precious gift of life that God has given me but I tell you today I stand a forgiven daughter. I will be mocked and laughed at because people think I will fall back to the foolishness that once sapped my strength as in heat of summer. I may stumble but I will not fall. Blessed are they that there strength is in Him, my strength is in the Lord's and that my friend that is a big statement. I do not stand ashamed and defeated anymore for His forgiveness has come I am a new creation, I am running the race of life to attain my prize of eternal glory hand in hand with my Jesus. I am free, free from all condemnation for in Jesus Christ there is now no condemnation! God is good!!

May you come to reality with your forgiveness in Christ.