Craving The Cross

Hi, it has been a long long time since I wrote. Although I have written many articles in my mind. Today has been a difficult day. I remember being in church and listening to the speaker and asking Jesus where is the message for me. Everyone seemed to be having such a great time listening to our animated speaker who gave such a crazy deep testimony of how far he had come. But i was so focused on my sadness and I kept asking Jesus where really is the message for me today. Christ eventually came through just like He always does eventually even though not always immediately.



God opened my eyes to see the incredible way He was using our speaker to change the world and with this realisation I came to understand that God is doing His work in a great and mighty way. At the beginning of the sermon I could not relate with the speaker and I found him rather unfiltered but by the time he was done I was crying because of how mighty God has been in His life and this gave me hope not only for myself but for everyone, for all people who have done all sorts of things. God bless you sir.

In the recent days of my life I have come to realise I am super emotional when I experience Christ and His righteousness. Now I know it isn't about emotions as I have been told before but the crying that I do when I recognise Jesus' redemptive works and His love for us comes from the most sincere places of my heart. Jesus is amazing, I remember in my days of depression how I tried to earn His love, I really tried and I was so frustrated whenever i made relapses in the things I promised myself never to do. But Christ in His knowledge of me always came through, He directed my steps and opened my eyes to perceive truths  through experiences, opportunities and conversations I had with people. And in those moments He always made me realise that it was His doings, and I remember growing from strength to strength in the reality of God in my life.

Today I was restless and the quietness of my soul was a rage. I just wanted to be alone. i could even feel the smile on my face was not really truthful. I came home stayed in my room all afternoon and listened to my restless heart as I spoke to Jesus. I then had a nap and woke up realising that what it was is that I am just craving for deep wholesome times with my Christian friends. That is all. I just want purity, righteousness and holiness being lived out by me and my Christian family. I want the Holy Spirit, I want miracles, I want to raise the dead, I want overnight prayers, I want the gospel, I want Christ, I want to change the world with the bride of Christ.

I do not want somewhat fun days. Somewhat fun days are good once in a while but they have become a daily and I am starving and appealing to the bride of Christ to be crazy and sometimes have conversations of Christ more than anything else. I want these days to be many. I want life the real abundant one that Jesus Christ told us about. 

I know this because I realise that this is what I have not been. I pray that God changes me first.

Romans 12.1 
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship.

Let us all make it to heaven,
Love always,

Hilda.

A Terrible Day

Hi,

It has been so long since I wrote and I do not even know if I can, so let's see how this goes.
There are many reasons I have not been updating this blog, but that will be explained at a later date.

Today is probably my worst day of the year. My 7 month old puppy called Bobby died and we were close. He was my life, at home. I rarely get to be home because I work during the day and have school in the evening and on Saturday. However when I get home early and even if I am tired I ended up playing with Bobby and not resting at all. Bobby was the most handsome little thing. He was so small but chubby and really liked stealing my shoe and biting me proper! He loved eating too and loved playing with water. Unlike most dogs, bath time was something Bobby looked forward to.

On Monday morning when dad and I went to give Bobby his daily cup of porridge we noticed he was very dull. He then tried going up some steps and i noticed his hind legs were not moving, he crawled up the stairs to say good-morning to me. We called the vet that day and because we were at work we only talked to the vet on the phone. He said something about tonsillitis and arthritis and gave him four jabs. However the next day Bobby woke up immobile and we discovered he had nervous paralysis caused by parasite infection. This is because of a certain type of tick that is found in tropical areas.  He was paralysed neck down and we had to carry and feed him. That next day I didn't go to work. So I went with two big pillows outside sat with Bobby at the terrace as it was raining and had two pillows for him. He was just lying there and could not move. I stayed with him for several hours. I even fell asleep, woke up, found him asleep, fed him, sang for him, prayed for his healing. It was a peaceful day and I knew for sure that Bobby would be healed.


At night however when I put him in his kennel something in my heart sunk and so I called my friend and we prayed for Bobby on the phone together. I was hopeful again and went to work today. I woke up found Bobby in the same state as yesterday. I set him up where we were seating yesterday and told him he'll be ok and that I would see him soon. I called the vet at lunchtime as he was coming to give Bobby more injections and asked him to call me right back for a report.  Two hours went by nobody called. I called the people at home they were not picking. I knew something was up because whenever a pet dies I am always the last one to find out because of obvious reasons. I then called the vet several times and eventually he picked up. I was hopeful and I asked him how Bobby was doing and he went like  "ooohh they didn't tell you? He went on. He really fought but he went on." I was devastated and started crying at the office.

I really held it together and run to the exit before my colleagues could see me. Once I got outside I broke apart and sobbed. I have so many memories of Bobby and my phone gallery is filled with pictures and videos of him. I had a special connection with this little pup more than any other even though I love them all equally. 

Just like many other stories in this life. This one does not have a happy ending. It leaves me with many questions. I do not understand what exactly God is trying to journey out in my life. Because often when bad things happen there's a reason that becomes apparent. For this one there's no reason, no background story. It's just something terrible that happened. I do not get it because I had all the faith in the world that he would be healed and even told my friend I could not wait for a day like this next week because I knew Bobby would be walking and running around again. I told a couple of friends to pray for him, so I had an army of prayers going to heaven. However he still died and I will never see him grow to be big and bad and protective of me. I mean he was half Rottweiler half German Shepherd.

Today even as devastated as I was I went to class. Class sucked and I was at the brink of an outburst throughout the whole time. My mind was barely there but funny how God works, the lecturer read the scripture,  Romans 820 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit,groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

Verse 21 gives me the hope that one day I will see Bobby again in freedom and in health. Creation entails everything. The trees that died, the ones that are alive. The spider that you smashed and the cat that you loved. When we are redeemed we will see creation celebrate with us. God is amazing because even in the little things He is there and you cannot begin to imagine the kind of joy that we will experience with Him when we the sons of God are fully revealed and made immortal. Just as Romans 8.18 says I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. 19 For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed.

Many things in this present life will not have a happy ending and will not become apparent to you as of now. But hope in the Lord. Keep in Him and trust me one day you will know it was all worth it.

Let's make it to heaven,

Love always, Hilda.

In loving memory of Bobby!

What Really Matters

What really matters? This is a question I have been asking myself. Funny thing it screams louder on the better and more exciting days of my life. 

I have always imagined a wonderful career especially now that I am in my 20s. When things are looking a little more real professional wise. I have seen my age mates achieve great things and come up with great initiatives. Very commendable and this should be encouraged. However in the busyness it is possible to forget what really matters. That is why on the more exciting days of my life when I go to bed my spirit purges me on this question ever so relentlessly.

Even as you make your dreams come true, as you get married and have children and travel the world. Remember that love is what really matters, get married because of love, have children because of love, travel the world because of love, have a career because of love. When you do something let it be because of love. 

Love brings life. Love truly and deeply, love God first, remember the sacrifice His son Jesus gave on the cross if you ever forget what love is. Love is everything, it is a powerful force, it is life itself. 

If you want to live an empty life, work only for your selfish gains, do everything just to make you happy. However if you want to die happy LOVE, remember everyday to love to be considerate and to serve others. Do this always and at every moment. Do everything out of love, this should be the battle you fight every day, asking yourself did I give love today and if not tomorrow give it twice as much to make up for yesterday.

Let's all make it to heaven.


Love always,
Hilda

Mark 12.31The second is this: "Love your neighbour as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these."  

John 3.16, For God so loved the world that He gave His only son...

In General

It has probably been more than two months since I wrote. I would like to apologize for that, the past two months I have lived my life in between exams and projects. However that is not an excuse, I just never got myself down to write.

I realised this blog means a lot to me, I want to truly mean what I write it is one of the accountability functions of my life. I finally closed school and I am ready for the Christmas holiday where everyone gets leave and everything is on a discount sale. Looking forward to spending this time with family; in retrospect this year I have dwelt more on school and figuring out my career line. The semester that just finished has been the best one yet since I joined. I met so many new and amazing people, perhaps that saying I think by Will Smith is true whereby you are asked to do your best and everything else will fall in place. However I look at it more as obedience to God that comes with many blessings. I have met very inspirational lecturers , very talented and intellectual human beings and also very deep and wise people. It has been so amazing, being surrounded by those people every day has been such a blessing.

This last year if there is something I learnt it is to be alone. Being alone turned out to be such a gift, At the beginning of the year I lost my friends and I had to be on my own until God allowed for new ones. It was extremely painful and I probably looked depressed but gradually I learnt so much about my true character. It was a bitter sweet journey, It came to my attention that I depended heavily 

on them for identity and i felt lost when they were gone but eventually I began to gather my strengths and my grades, my family relationships and my self image improved tremendously. What I value above all else however was the personal relationship I got with Christ, it was so strong and so tangible I felt like I walked side by side with Him, in fact many times I mummer 'thanks God' you would think I am demented because sometimes I say it so loudly looking over my shoulder. I also came to love books this year, I still do not read as much as I used to when I was younger but I am getting there.  

With all the blessings that came this semester I must say I did get a little bit lost in them. I got carried away and centered myself in the busyness. I got so exhausted at one point and realised how I had made my life so busy and pushed away from Christ, I am so grateful to have become aware of this. I also observed that we can get on a high horse when everything is working out for us yet I have never desired a trait more than that of humility. So many lessons so much to write but I know not many read long posts so I will leave it from here. Catch you on my next post which will be more specific.

Love always,
          Hilda

PS

Joshua 1.8 Keep this Book of the Law always on your lips;meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful.

A thought or two, maybe more.

I had something to write about but because I did not do it I can not remember what it is anymore. So I will just think as I write. I read a verse this morning that got me thinking, the verse is Hebrews 10.36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised. I felt like I had to endure a lot of things sometime back for about three years. I thought it was difficult and I felt like a failure who had wasted time and resources. However the verse is true that says ALL things work together for the good of those that love the Lord. God is good, He truly is. I wake up some days feeling such a great sense of joy in my heart and I look up and say, "You are so nice". Walking through a desert of pain and stress for so long was horrible. But God used this to prepare the way for me to what He is creating me to be and although people are coy about celebrating good things in their beginning, I am not, for I live by faith and therefore every day I celebrate what I have and what the future holds.

I remember when I was younger I was such a practical believer then when I started hanging out with older people they used to say something like "the bible says this.. but the reality is this.." those words destroyed me especially to the point of wavering. I could not belive the nonsense. Thank God He brought me back to the place where I know what the Bible says and that truly is the reality. I read the book of Daniel and could not believe it. Daniel was a man who believed with His whole heart, mind and soul. He was on God's side, He was constantly in touch with God and He cared about nothing else but God and when you only care about God it means you care about people, society, nature and all the things that God cares about. Now even the King did not intimidate Daniel, not lions, not soldiers not the devil, nothing! For He knew the Creator of the universe, the King of Kings, The Mightiest of the Mighty was with Him and therefore Daniel lacked nothing!

My mother's laughter is distracting me, my dad just got home and they last saw each other early in the morning, haha! she sounds like a young lady happy to see her prince charming. I digress but truly I thank God for their beautiful marriage.

So again I just remembered this last week, I went for a session in school and the speaker said to live a Holy life is to live passionately, to live wholly and fully, because the word holy comes from the word whole in Hebrew or Greek can't remember. He went on to say that perhaps the reason God called David a man after His own heart is because David was so passionate. Even his mistakes were passionate and so were His moments of repentance. When you meet a passionate person you instantly are impressed, for example my lecturer who taught me philosophy is one of the most passionate men I have ever met and no He does not shout, he just speaks and his words are of so much depth. This is the most haphazard post I have written so far and the fastest one as well , the keyboard is about to smoke up.


Well that is because I am on some serious passion, passion fruit juice, ha! joke. I honestly feel passionate and I want you to be passionate not just in some days but in all days and the only way that is possible is when you become drunk in the Holy Spirit. God is always passionate, when you have an experience with Him it is passionate, when you look at His creation it is passionate, when you read scripture it is passionate. Therefore with God you only thrive and like He says, "with Christ ALL things are possible". I am also on the journey to always be passionate!

With Christ you can be anything . The Bible says that Jesus grew in stature, in favour of man and in favour of God, Which means he grew physically, socially and spiritually. With Christ you can be all things, He wants you to shine and thrive for His glory, look at each one of the stories in the Bible, sometimes when you read they seem as though they are fiction.  While the truth is, guys like Elijah and Moses and Rebecca and Esther were people who were just like us, they just really and truly believed in God, they poured out themselves to God. Be passionate for God, lean not on your own understanding, praise Him, thank Him, be sincere with Him when you are mad or happy or depressed or not satisfied, whatever state you are in. He is your Father! Let Jesus take the wheel and what great things you will see, Praise Jesus!! Amen!

Love always, Hilda.

Colossians 3.23 And whatever you do work at it with all your heart, as if working for the Lord and not for man.

1 Corinthians 10.31 So, whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 

Philippians



 4.13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

But Who Am I?

"Just go out there and be yourself." "So many fake people, be real."
These are examples of statements we hear more often than not, but there is a lot of detail to what they mean. Who is yourself? How can you go out there and be yourself when you do not know who you are in the first place, how can you call others fake and assume you are real when you do not know what real is?
Why do we even need to know ourselves? Can you truly know who you are? What defines who you are?

With looking at who you are we are focusing on identity of self. Are you what you do, an author, an Oscar award winner, a president, a cool kid, a curvy woman? Are you what others think you are? a tall person, a bubbly person, a sad person, an ugly person, a boring person? What really are you?

I can tell you what you are not, you are not your body form because if you are you should then look the same way you did on your birth day. You are not your personality because that changes as well, you were probably less confident in your teenage years but now that has changed. You are not your achievements because that can easily change or be taken away, achievements are simply expressions of the potential in you. You are not your beauty because that can be enhanced or deducted. One thing I come to learn is that who we are must endure through all changes, who we are should not change, who we are is a constant. How then can we find that and yet everyday we change, we grow, we learn. We already are who we are, the things that change are elements of that. How do we measure change in the first place, do you say you have changed because your perspective has changed,is it cause you have different goals , is it because you have lost or gained weight? How you measure change is different from time to time and from person to person.

God says I am. He describes Himself as unchanging, immortal, everlasting. This can only mean that only He knows who He is and we can never come to the full knowledge of who we are leave alone who He is when we are in this place, this world, this body because God is super natural and we are simply natural, we can not then completely fathom the super natural but only have a grip of it through the Holy Spirit, ( Ephesians 3..18) That is also why the Bible says if you see God you die Exodus 33.20. However we came into light about much more once Christ died and rose again, though we do not see or fully understand God , we have direct access to Him through prayer and scripture, this bridge is because of the blood of Jesus. Is it not crazy that Jesus Christ changed so many things! I would be so lost if He never came. I thank God for He reconciled and brought light to all things. Back to the topic. We may not know who we are and yet God knows us, He knows to detail who you are in the Physical , the Emotional, the Spirit and Soul,  and every other aspect(Psalms 119) . God can not change but we change, we change daily, whether positively or negatively, we change by getting older, by eating more, by seeing new things, by meeting new people, by dying by living to see another day, this then means we as ourselves can not define who we are. 


To find who we are we must go to Him who knows who He is to tell us who we are. What then does God say that we are and who will we become? The most straight forward scripture that says who we are is  found in Psalms139.14 " I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." God made you and for Him to say you are wonderfully and fearfully made is out o

f this world, if you truly internalize those words you will never think less of yourself, you will never compare yourself and everyday, be it a bad hair day or a pimply face day you will look in the mirror and absorb in the master piece that you are. Further, is the fact that you were made by God and not just called into being, meaning that you are more valuable than things which God made by calling into being, you are more valuable than Queen Elizabeth's diamonds, valuable than the white house. You are priceless, your value can not be measured by money, 1 Corinthians 6.20,  explains  how you were bought by the blood of Jesus, the magnitude of this scripture is beyond amazing, the creator of the universe, shed His blood for you as ransom from shackles of death! You have become a child of God once you accept and live by His commands. You can not define yourself, you can not even comprehend who you are because it is beyond you and therefore you can only look to Christ daily in His word and through prayer to remind you and give you a better understanding of who you are. Because when you do that, you emancipate yourself from mental slavery, from untrue words by others, from your own lies Just as Galatians 5.1 says For freedom, Christ has set us free.Stand firm, then,and do not be subject again to the yoke of slavery. You become a person firmly footed, in peace, in patience, in love, in confidence, in all things that are good. You become real. You only go from strength to strength when He tells you who you are each moment. Once you know this , His will for you becomes clear, His revealed will for you in Scripture and His sacred and personal will for you. His will creates your purpose and purpose is in each moment, in every day achievements, it is not an ultimate situation you land upon one day,for only this moment is real, you have no guarantee of tomorrow,  purpose is the awareness of the gift of life and ability to do something out of that awareness.

Who you are also makes you realize who others are, and at that, unconditional love for others becomes something that is natural to you. Romans 15.7 Receive one another just as also Christ received you, to God's glory.

Romans 8.17 Now if we are children , then we are heirs- heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory. ( Seriously mind blown by that scripture!! WHAT! CO-HEIRS WITH CHRIST!!)

2 Corinthians 2.14 But thank God! He has made us his captives and continues to lead us along in Christ's triumphal procession. Now he uses us to spread the knowledge of Christ everywhere, like a sweet perfume.

2 Corinthians 5.7 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.

Exodus 3.14 God said to Moses, " I AM WHO I AM..."

Love always Hilda.

Brace Yourself for This is War

This past Friday I came home, very pleased about how my week had been. As I got into the house. I noticed my very hyper dog sitting and wagging his tail happy to see me. He Was SITTING! Max never sits, he has torn all my stockings and many of my dresses because of the way he jumps at me when he sees me every weekend when I come from school. He managed to stand and came to greet me and then I noticed his hind legs, all blood-clotted and stitched up. If you love your pets, you know how horrific it is to see your animal that way. I called mom immediately and she explained how a car hit Max and almost killed him on that Monday evening. Further, I went on to see if my pregnant dog Daisy was doing fine and I was told she had lost her  four puppies that Thursday, they were still born. I thought of what a rough week it had been for my dogs. I was told Max did not break even one bone and yet when they took him from the scene of the accident, they were certain that his legs were gone. The vet came and operated on Max till about midnight and in fact he is now walking, that dog is a fighter.

MAX

Now I am saying that to say this. I may sound insanely religious but the truth is, what happened to Max was a scheme of the enemy but the surpassing grace of God saved his every ligament and Max is alive. This past week has been especially good in the spiritual growth of each member of my family , the devil must have been so mad and wanted to discourage us by taking Max away but God in His mercy and protection saved our dog. The driver that hit Max had been over speeding and he stopped in shock then drove away as I was told. When God says in the Bible that what we fight against is not flesh and blood but spiritual he means it. Many people even Christians do not like to believe it, but through out the Bible we have seen that the sins of the world have been caused by the devil through our flesh. That is why God says die daily to flesh and live by The Spirit. Everything you do is influenced by either good or evil and the one that you feed is the one that wins. If you indulge your flesh, your flesh will overcome and you will be useful to the kingdom of darkness and if you indulge the spirit of God , God will remain in you and you will overcome all even the devil.

Ephesians 6 talks about the armour of God , get your Bible and read it. Live by the spirit and do not gratify the flesh. The flesh will only lead you to hell. The time is coming when the times will be so difficult for Christians in this life that many will give up their salvation. Be ready by setting a firm relationship with God and reading and praying without ceasing for the enemy the devil lacks around looking for someone to devour. Let God rule and intervene every aspect of your life. The prince of this planet is the devil, therefore he is gaining a lot of people on his side, he wraps Ugly in pretty little boxes by masquerading himself as an angel of light. Be aware of this, ask God to give you His persepective which is truth, may your eyes be opened. It will be easier not to get mad at people who offend you but instead you will pray for them for the Spirit of truth to be revealed in their hearts because we know that when people oppose you and you are a child of God, it is really the devil trying to discourage you. Be ready to pray for people instead of being disgusted by them, let the love of God overflow your heart.

Paul describes us as soldiers who should not get involved with civilian matters (2 Timothy 2.4 ). He did not use the word solider poetically, but because it is what we really are, we are hear on earth as people on a mission, fighting the good fight, running the good race. Taking orders from the King of Kings. Bringing hope to others through the hope of Christ in us. Therefore stop wasting time in civilian issues but instead fight the good fight and may you be found ready and mature on the day of the second coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Love always, Hilda.

Verses of this post

2 Timothy 2.3-4 Share in suffering as a good soldier of Jesus Christ. No soldier get entaganled with civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him.

Daisy and friends

Romans 8.37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Galatians 5.16 So I say, walk by the Spirit and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.

Ephesians 6.12 For our battle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the world powers of this darkness, against spiritual forces of evil in the heavens.

2 Corinthians 11.14 And no wonder, for Satan himself masquerades himself as an angel of light.

Luke 9.23 And he said to all, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me".