Craving The Cross

Hi, it has been a long long time since I wrote. Although I have written many articles in my mind. Today has been a difficult day. I remember being in church and listening to the speaker and asking Jesus where is the message for me. Everyone seemed to be having such a great time listening to our animated speaker who gave such a crazy deep testimony of how far he had come. But i was so focused on my sadness and I kept asking Jesus where really is the message for me today. Christ eventually came through just like He always does eventually even though not always immediately.



God opened my eyes to see the incredible way He was using our speaker to change the world and with this realisation I came to understand that God is doing His work in a great and mighty way. At the beginning of the sermon I could not relate with the speaker and I found him rather unfiltered but by the time he was done I was crying because of how mighty God has been in His life and this gave me hope not only for myself but for everyone, for all people who have done all sorts of things. God bless you sir.

In the recent days of my life I have come to realise I am super emotional when I experience Christ and His righteousness. Now I know it isn't about emotions as I have been told before but the crying that I do when I recognise Jesus' redemptive works and His love for us comes from the most sincere places of my heart. Jesus is amazing, I remember in my days of depression how I tried to earn His love, I really tried and I was so frustrated whenever i made relapses in the things I promised myself never to do. But Christ in His knowledge of me always came through, He directed my steps and opened my eyes to perceive truths  through experiences, opportunities and conversations I had with people. And in those moments He always made me realise that it was His doings, and I remember growing from strength to strength in the reality of God in my life.

Today I was restless and the quietness of my soul was a rage. I just wanted to be alone. i could even feel the smile on my face was not really truthful. I came home stayed in my room all afternoon and listened to my restless heart as I spoke to Jesus. I then had a nap and woke up realising that what it was is that I am just craving for deep wholesome times with my Christian friends. That is all. I just want purity, righteousness and holiness being lived out by me and my Christian family. I want the Holy Spirit, I want miracles, I want to raise the dead, I want overnight prayers, I want the gospel, I want Christ, I want to change the world with the bride of Christ.

I do not want somewhat fun days. Somewhat fun days are good once in a while but they have become a daily and I am starving and appealing to the bride of Christ to be crazy and sometimes have conversations of Christ more than anything else. I want these days to be many. I want life the real abundant one that Jesus Christ told us about. 

I know this because I realise that this is what I have not been. I pray that God changes me first.

Romans 12.1 
Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God--this is your true and proper worship.

Let us all make it to heaven,
Love always,

Hilda.