Those Quiet Little Days

Hi guys, it has been a little while since my last post. A little past three weeks.

One reason is, I just opened school and was settling in, another is I felt my last post was driven by experience and emotion instead of the Holy Spirit, I never want that to happen again.

Every Thursday is a free day for me in Uni, I have no classes on that day, I pretty much laze around the hostel, take a lot of tea and write in my diary, I meditate a lot and read the word of God. These Thursdays are always really amazing , sometimes in a happy way and sometimes in a sad way. Now this past Thursday was heavy, I got text messages from three different friends asking if I am doing ok and it only made it worse because I figured I was truly low in spirit and the Holy Spirit must have communicated. It was so bad that I was moody, I am rarely moody.

In my meditations I learnt a lot about myself, this life and God. Since I started this walk, my life has changed in a big way. I had a broken spirit without hope, my bones were drying up but now it is a broken spirit filled with hope in God's comfort.( For the creation was subject to frustration, not by its own choice but by the will of the one who subject it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God) On Thursday I sat in my bed taking my black tea and feeling bad about the things I had not achieved, the failures of my past and the separations of my present . It was difficult. The devil does steal, kill and destroy and that day he was set especially because I had dedicated the day for prayer. I am especially hard on myself when I set deadlines and do not meet them. In between the broken spirit and reading scripture, He shined. I can not tell you how much Jesus cares for you but my eyes well up with tears every time I think about it. Jesus is love, He is beautiful, gentle, He is warmth. Jesus is not of this world. Having an experience with Him is something that is truthful, it is something that cuts through your flesh, your bone, your soul and your spirit. He is The Great Love, He is comfort, He is the best of friends. Jesus Christ is light. If  your dreams have died, if your charisma has faded, if you are hopeless, if you have gotten ugly, if you are sick, if you held onto anything and there's never getting it back, you still have Jesus. It is ok, it will always be ok as long as you are a friend of God. If you have Jesus, you are blessed, you are fine, you are thriving. You may not think so because society dictates to be so many ways but if you have Jesus you have everything you will ever need.

The Lord, He draws all things to Himself, He has drawn Himself to you, hold onto Him, fill your mind, fill your heart, fill your stomach with Jesus. Let your lips speak unapologetically about Jesus. Never water down your love for Jesus. It is ok to be crazy about Him and for the world to know that you are. It is ok to be strange, conservative, hated, loved, cherished because you love Jesus. 

I want that glow, the Jesus glow. 

You know how we hear that Jesus loves us and He cares about us? Has anyone then ever told you that the devil, Satan, hates you, lies to you, wants you to gain the world and lose your soul, wants you to have a half experience of the truth, wants you to burn in hell for eternity? Now that I have, why do you still play on his side saying you're not yet ready to fully dedicate your life to Christ? Come as you are to Christ, with all your sin and weaknesses, come as you are, He is going to change you, just if you remain in Him. Be a friend of God and everything that is wrong is alright when you are a child of God.

Love always Hilda.

2 Corinthians 5.14 For Christ's love compels us, since we have reached this conclusion: If One died for all, then all died. 

Romans 5.8 But God shows His love for us that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.

Isaiah 55.1 "Come,everyone who thirsts, come to the waters, and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

1 John3.1 See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him.

Wheat and Chaff

Luke 3.17  Whose fan is in his hand, thoroughly to cleanse his threshing-floor, and to gather the wheat into his garner; but the chaff he will burn up with unquenchable fire.

What does that verse mean? It's pretty simple, those that gather wheat from the fields they have to separate the wheat and the unwanted materials (chaff) which is then burned or disposed.  Now here we see that Jesus has the fan, he is throwing up the wheat and chaff as a process of cleansing and separating the good  and the dirt. It is an analogy to show that he will separate that which is His and that which is not. He will burn the dirt with unquenchable fire, this is fire that does not stop even if you pour water or spray CO2 on it. 
 




In the recent past I have noticed an outpouring of the Holy Spirit. Many people who were lost have been found, myself included. People have really changed. My whatsapp conversations have changed and the conversations are mostly about Scripture. The devil who had covered the eyes of people with darkness has been defeated, the Holy Spirit has convicted the hearts of the people to change. Almost every single person I am in constant chat with talks to me about Scripture, Jesus and change. It is an amazing trend, how can you be left behind. It is like all over sudden we can see again, we were blind but our eyes have been healed. Can I get an Amen. The scripture is true Joel 2.28-29 "And afterward, I will pour out my Spirit on all people. Your sons and daughters will prophesy, your old men will dream dreams, your young men will see visions.  Even on my servants, both men and women, I will pour out my Spirit in those days. 

It is possible that Christ's return is in this generation. Let us not waste any more time but allow ourselves to be used by God. To know God through faith.

A note to those that defame the people who were once lost. It has happened to a lot of Christians myself included, that people will mock my walk with God because of past inconsistencies, stop, do not let the devil use you to destroy the work of the Lord in yourself and to the unbelievers.  A true believers is always discerning of false rumours and lies. The scripture tells you, rumour monger ; "Don't criticize and speak evil about each other, dear brothers. If you do, you will be fighting against God's law of loving one another, declaring it is wrong. But your job is not to decide whether this law is right or wrong, but to obey it. Only he who made the law can rightly judge among us. He alone decides to save us or destroy. So what right do you have to judge or criticize others?" James 4:11-12

Do not act impetuously but instead be filled with the Spirit, let Him control what you say."The good man out of his good treasure brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of his evil treasure brings forth what is evil. "And I say to you, that every careless word that men shall speak, they shall render account for it in the day of judgment. "For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned." Matthew 12.35-37


I encourage you especially new believers to keep fighting the good fight and take hold of the eternal life to which you were called!! 
 God bless you.

Love always, Hilda.

On school and life

Last semester I was finishing up with an issue or two and I was going for my final counseling sessions which interfered with my schedule and I thought I should drop one of my classes in the process but eventually changed my mind and it turned out to be the best class this semester. So because of missing a few of the classes I was to be disqualified for the class till next semester but the lecturer told me to prove to him I had learnt adequately what I needed to learn and he would let me continue. I did not know how to prove to him, I asked him to give me a test a notch difficult than the mid semester exams but he declined. So I wrote him the following.

Dear Mr K****,

Writing this was and is a big challenge and revelation for me. I am more than glad you challenged me to give you evidence that I have learnt what needs to be learnt. Having grown up a Christian most my life, I know the basics of the Bible but it was not until recently that I got completely tested and unfortunately failed in so many of the tests. In a sense, I felt I had been losing everything and God stopped being much of a reality to me. This doubtful thought threw me into a pit of depression and I could barely see where I was going. I then started my Thursday counselling sessions, which gave me a grasp, and a first step to redemption ever since they began. These Thursday sessions cost me a few of my philosophy classes.

I remember attending a few of the first classes in Philosophy and thinking that the debates we had were going to shake my faith and have me questioning God on a lot of things and sure they did. I was quiet at the beginning as I listened to my class mates relay their perspectives on issues that arose. The firm Christians in class got me very encouraged and although from what they said, it was vivid they did not understand it all. However they had a sure faith about them and the verse, 1 Corinthians 13.12 rang in my mind a lot of times, For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

As days went by I was also working on my relationship with God I became more confident through each class and started putting in a word, in some classes I just had a bad attitude towards the loose answers students gave but I came to appreciate the different opinions of all people. Philosophy then became my favourite class this semester.

We then came across a man by the name Socrates a sophist. He had the biggest impact on me out of all we had learnt in that class. Socrates had a real depth about him, when the priestess prophesied that he is the wisest of all and he then came to believe this by knowing that his wisdom meant nothing. I found his response to be so unexpected and there could not be a better response than that. I then got interested in this great philosopher Socrates. I was a little disappointed to know that he lived before the coming of Christ and he is not found to have any regard for the Old Testament or perhaps he was not exposed. Although slightly disappointed I came to realize that Socrates lived in search and pursuit of something and openly confessed that he did not know, I then felt the verse is true that says, “ If you seek me you will find me, if you seek me with all your heart”.  Additionally, his encounter with the priestess could probably mean God was involved in His life.

Philosophy also challenged me and should challenge many Christians to be sure of their faith to know all about it so that if defied they may have answers. Just as the verse in 1 Peter 3.15 says, “But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect“. It blows my mind how the Bible contains it all, it prepares us for everything, it challenges us, it predicts all things. The greatest philosopher the wisest philosopher is indeed the written word of God. Philosophy then helps us to challenge our faith, which is in fact a good thing. This is because the more you challenge the more you understand it and the more you are familiar with it. The further you examine it the further you grow. Hence, no matter what comes my way I will certainly be sure of myself and confident in my faith.

As we continued to read more on philosophy one particular trend was more manifest than all others; nobody not even one philosopher had answers to everything , they run on hypothetical theories or whatever they discovered only led them in pursuit of more questions. How is it then that we can put our trust in what we have experienced, in what we have seen in ourselves? A certain debate in class arose on naturalism vs existentialism which brought about the aspect of faith vs reason and who then was braver and had a better approach to life, he who uses faith or he that uses reason. The debate first began by the students supporting the notion of reason as the better approach but views changed after you posed challenges. The fact that no one has guarantee of what is true, what is safe, what is of benefit came to amount to, faith is the better approach to life. Perhaps that is only my opinion but this to me was what carried the day. I came from that class feeling pleased about faith. I then remembered that man, Abraham. It must have taken him so much courage to please God by almost sacrificing His son who he had waited for, for so long. Because of His faith and obedience, Abraham is now a legend and the Father of all nations.

I understand that if these thoughts written on this paper were to be critiqued by philosophers I would have many questions to answer and perhaps they would call me a religious fanatic and the like. However, this is a start and if I was to be challenged, I, then would be ready for my next assignment. In six words I sum up all I have learnt so far in the philosophy class, “There is an all knowing God”.

In conclusion, if I ever came across a very confusing and persuading doctrine in philosophy I will remember the words of Colossians 2.8, See to it that no one takes you captive through hollow and deceptive philosophy, which depends on human tradition and the elemental spiritual forces of this world rather than on Christ.

Yours sincerely,

            Hilda Kaguma 

I did the exam which I know will turn out well.

The lecturer and I are now friends and God-willing he will become my mentor. 

The God of Abraham is the God of Hilda and of all her classes.

Disheartened

Today afternoon was one of the really good ones this year. Sharing and spending time with friends who are dear to me. However as the little meeting ended a certain topic arose. The topic on certain people being over spiritual and how such people can be uncomfortable to be with. I asked what that meant, to be over spiritual and if such a term really had meaning. To be to Godly? To involve God in all things and all conversations to sneeze God, to breathe God? Inquiring further i got a description, "I would not want to be around people who are always saying I am good in the Lord and stuff like that", but why? At the time I got confused and tried to agree with the conversation but as I got home I thought about it and it crushed me. 

Christianity has been painted a certain way lately; uncool, boring, weird, extreme, radical etc. These are the kind of terms we should be proud of. The bible says we are aliens of the world, we do not belong to it and we should not love the things of the world although we are in it. What is really horrible is that fellow Christians are not proud to be "very spiritual", it does not always have to be about God , is what people think and believe. Why is this! Do you know it is always about you when it comes to God. God is seated in Heaven doing all He can to show His love grace and mercy the word of God even says in Ephesians 1.4  "For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love 5 he[b] predestined us for adoption to son-ship[c] through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— 6 to the praise of his glorious grace, which he has freely given us in the One he loves". God chose us before He even created us, He thought about us before we came into being so why should we set Him aside even for a minute, why should we forget about Him, why should we lay Him aside for particular times, why? Why should He seat there and think about us but we forget about Him for a second. He is our hope our love, our fiber, the giver of life, the creator of all things. Colossians says that everything was made for Him, through Him and by Him. He is in all, The book also says that Christ is all. I am not calling us to be crazy fanatics no! Do not try to be anything just let Christ control you. Let yourself die and let Him live in you, you must decrease and He must increase, John 3.30. Do not forget God , do not, He is the only reason you can do anything , Acts 17.28 for “‘In him we live and move and have our being’; as even some of your own poets have said, “‘For we are indeed his offspring.’

Are we also forgetting God's command to love God with all our mind, heart and soul. That is the whole element of our being. We are called to love God not just to love Him but to cherish Him. Read the book of Psalms, it was written by those who had fallen in-love with Jesus, we are to love God and write Psalms to Him because of how much we love Him. God says in Joshua 1.8 Study this Book of Instruction continually. Meditate on it day and night so you will be sure to obey everything written in it. Only then will you prosper and succeed in all you do. Let us fall in-love with Jesus. He delights in you, He is jealous for you, He died for you, He is your only Saviour, do not for one minute forget about Him. He is all, He is in all. Love God with every breath you take, desire Him like a deer that pants for water. Grow madly in-love with Him, He is madly in-love with you. God has the whole universe to think about, but He thinks about you, He knows about you, you only have your life to live and you dare forget Him. Do not, let Him overflow your heart. 

We love because He first loved us.

Love always, Hilda.

PS

Proverbs 3.5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Romans 1.28-31 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all manner of unrighteousness, evil, covetousness, malice. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, maliciousness. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 

A lot..

Whoever said the journey is easy lied, it is extremely difficult. I think mainly because we are in this body that came short of the glory of God a long long time ago. 1 Peter 4. 18 says it well, And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?"




The struggle with sin is not just for baby Christians it is also for the mature ones. In fact the more you grow in Christ the more you see how terrible you really are, the more you realize you need Christ and only He can make you Holy, no wonder God said only He is good. The Bible says that we should keep awake for the adversary the devil is always on the look out for someone to devour. The Bible also says that we should walk by the Spirit.

Last week was a bit strange for me. I made a serious back track. Fell back to things I had thought I had over come. What a troubled soul I became after. I figured we live and we learn, but how many times are we living and learning. God is one of grace and forgiveness but sin hinders our growth in Him, hinders the beautiful intimacy with God that we are called for. I am starting to become more and more aware of the sin in my life that I would probably not have noticed maybe 6 months ago.

It is a bitter sweet place to be. I now realize I am in for a lot of loss. Everything is starting to change now, even my dreams and aspirations. Through all this I put my trust in God for He knows best. He has what is best, I mean He is God. I am not talking about materialism but rather my soul, the person I am, He is doing wonders and works that I know I am have no reality of as of now.

Consistency and readiness. Am I really ready to lose everything for Christ? I have pondered on this and my answer is yes. So help me God. I know it will be hard but I have my Bible and God to guide me. I want to live and grow and glorify Him all the days of my life. He is all there is and anything outside Him is useless. To love God to my last breath to my very last breath.

Bring it on! But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. Philippians 3.7
 Love always Hilda.

PS Mark 8.36 What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, yet forfeit their soul?
    Mark 12.30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.'
     Ecc 11.9 You who are young, be happy while you are young, and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.
   

Crashed To Dust

I have said time and time again that it has been a tough few last years. It has but it has also been really really great. Many nights I cried, many days my head was held down. I am still recovering and knowing how to hold it up again. Except I can't do it on my own. I can do nothing without Him.

I was an excellent girl, no doubt I really was. I felt I lived such a perfect life. I let go of His hand one day and things came tumbling down, it was bad decision after bad decision. Some things also just happened to me and I wondered why, well it is really because I walked that road and therefore collided with those encounters.

God took all my camouflage away, my excellent academic camouflage, my bubbly personality camouflage, I think even my hair broke cause of Him haha. You know in this day and age it is so easy to put on a face so that you feel and show to be alright yet deeply you are empty.  However for me their was nothing to spare I lost the shine.

I lived in the past for so long, I wondered how I was once that girl. The reason I write this today is because, I am beyond grateful for the experience. Walking through that desert I learnt only to rely on Him. He taught me dependence yes dependence, dependence on Him. I could not have a nice day if I did not look up to Him. I could not smile if He did not shine on me. He became and has become my life, my breathe, my existence, my best friend, my pain, my sorrow, my joy, my pout, my sunlight, my rainy day and my love. He is truly my all.

I now do not have to present myself for the appraisal of man. I now feel no hurt when insulted. I now have nothing to prove to myself or to anyone. All I care about is God. I have become sensitive towards people's needs, I have gotten better with service, I have increased in esteem, I have become a slave to God and a liberated soul from the world. 

It is still a journey that I am walking. I have become more aware of worldliness and more drawn to holiness. I have learnt to trust and be filled and satisfied in Him. I have learnt that I need to decrease and He needs to increase. God is my life, there's never taking that away from me. He is the only constant, the only truth, the only home that I know and I will ever know.

Love always, Hilda.

Forgiveness

As my holiday comes to an end one thing that I know I have learnt is forgiveness. I let people I know that have hurt me that they are forgiven and they let me know that I am forgiven by them. More than this though is the forgiveness of God that I came to be in reality with.

Psalms 32 has just done it for me and I am more than grateful for the Scriptures! Thank you God that we can read about life in the Bible; life in you.

If you have known me for the last 3 years you probably think I am the most confused person. I was confused, I would say this one minute then the next minute I do the exact opposite. It is not an easy place to be, confusion is horrible. It is up to this holiday that I came to know what caused the state of my confusion. The reason has always been the feeling of guilt towards God. I sinned against Him and did it over and over then came back asking for forgiveness, I did not even take myself seriously at some point. I was so inconsistent in my walk with God, it was unbelievable.

Having come to full repentance I now feel steady and very encouraged. I will just quote bits and pieces of the Psalm so that you as well may be encouraged and realise that God forgives, He forgives more than 70 times 7 times. He is a great God, you just got to know HIM!

Psalms 32.1 

      Blessed is the one

    whose transgressions are forgiven,

    whose sins are covered.

2 Blessed is the one

    whose sin the Lord does not count against them

    and in whose spirit is no deceit.

3 When I kept silent,

    my bones wasted away

    through my groaning all day long.

4 For day and night

    your hand was heavy on me;

my strength was sapped

    as in the heat of summer.[b]

5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you

    and did not cover up my iniquity.

I said, “I will confess

    my transgressions to the Lord.”

And you forgave

    the guilt of my sin.

So exactly like the Psalmist my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long, I was depressed I have lost a lot of weight since the days I lived right, I was not ok. Life was not clear and I was empty inside I did not know what or where I was going with this precious gift of life that God has given me but I tell you today I stand a forgiven daughter. I will be mocked and laughed at because people think I will fall back to the foolishness that once sapped my strength as in heat of summer. I may stumble but I will not fall. Blessed are they that there strength is in Him, my strength is in the Lord's and that my friend that is a big statement. I do not stand ashamed and defeated anymore for His forgiveness has come I am a new creation, I am running the race of life to attain my prize of eternal glory hand in hand with my Jesus. I am free, free from all condemnation for in Jesus Christ there is now no condemnation! God is good!!

May you come to reality with your forgiveness in Christ.